How To Be More Confident (Even if you’ve never been)

The first thing that will drastically change your confidence is realizing that your insides are always meeting other people’s outsides.

How To Be More Confident – In this video, learn 3 different techniques and mindsets that can help you be more confident and raise your self-esteem.

For more videos, subscribe on YouTube here: www.YouTube.com/DreamsAroundTheWorld/

I offer a free 9 part email course on The Life Design Approach. This is the philosophy that has helped me publish 11 books, live in 6 countries, and become 100% location independent while doing work I love. The Life Design Approach

If you prefer listening, here’s the podcast episode for the video above:

Check out my books on self-confidence:

• • The Self-Confidence Handbook
  • Self Confidence Secrets

For My Latest Content, Subscribe Below:

• • • Click Here To Subscribe on YouTube
    • Click Here To Subscribe on iTunes
    • Click Here To Subscribe via RSS (Add this podcast feed to your Podcast player and start listening)

Hey, Dan here with Dreams Around The World. In this video, we’re going to go through 3 ways you can become more confident not just now, not just for 10 minutes but sustainably for the long term. These are concepts that I’ve written about in my books, that my readers have got really great results from, and I’ve tried experimented with and perfected, and they work! So without further ado, let’s go into Tip No.1.

The first thing that will drastically change your confidence is realizing that your insides are always meeting other people’s outsides. Here’s what I mean by this: most people you see in life, including myself, when you see them, you’re seeing them at their best or at the very least, when they’re giving you the best they can, and they’re showing you their strengths.

You’re watching me on YouTube here. You’re not seeing me when I’m having a bad day, you’re not seeing me when I’m feeling down, when things aren’t working out or when I’m trying some new sport and I look like a complete idiot because I just have no athletic ability.

That’s not when you’re seeing me. You’re seeing me making videos or just something I do pretty well. So what you’re probably doing is you see people that are at their best, whether that’s a speaker, an author, an actor on TV. But you never see them at their worst. You’re only seeing what they want you to see.

If you go to a business networking event, are you seeing people who’re telling you about all their problems, their failed marriage, their struggles? No. You’re seeing people when they’re trying to brag, trying to look good, dressed nice, showing their best self.

So what happens is, you don’t compute this normally, right?
You think, “Okay, wow! Look how great this person is.”
You don’t think, “Wait a minute, I’m pretty great on the outside as well, but inside, maybe I have these insecurities, or these fears, or these bad days, or ups and downs or whatever,” because you see that in yourself, but other people don’t see that. The same way, you don’t see it in other people.

Basically, the concept here is to keep in mind that what you’re seeing of other people is just a fragment of who they really are, and it’s their best self. So don’t compare yourself to that. Don’t compare yourself to a slave or someone’s best self and assume that your entire self will somehow add up to that.

The other thing with this is don’t compare yourself at something that you’re new to or mediocre at or just isn’t strength in yours, to someone who’s focused on that. That’s what they do for a living. That’s their personality strength. That doesn’t make sense. It’s a recipe for disaster.

If you’re trying to compare every part of you to the people who do that one thing best, you know, if I compare my acting abilities to, I don’t know, Johny Depp, I think he’s a good actor probably, so if I compare my acting abilities to Johny Depp, my painting abilities to Picasso, my writing abilities to Hemingway, I will be a pretty depressed guy, pretty quickly. So, do not do this.

Now, the second tip is around your environment, the reality you create for yourself, not in some weird fantasy-in-your-head-world, but in real life in terms of your day-to-day, your home, your apartment, what you dress like, where you spend your time.

There are ways to create sort of an artificial confidence. This self-talk, “Hey, I’m the best,” look in the mirror and say, “I’m happy,” for fifty times. Generally, it’s not in any of my books, and it’s not something I talk about because it’s very short-lived.

But there are ways you can do this. You can create this false initial confidence. There’s also ways that you can create a real confidence based on accomplishments, based on changes in mindset, things like this. Either way, our confidence is always reacting to the environment around us.

Let me give you an example of how this happened in my own life. At one point in my life, I was very confident. I was feeling really good about myself to the point where, I still do this sometimes, where I stop really taking care of myself in terms of my physical appearance, because I feel really good about myself. So I’m like, “Why would I shave today? That’s five minutes I’ll never get back. To impress some stranger? I don’t care. I feel good about myself.”

That makes sense day to day, but what ends up happening is subtly throughout the days, throughout the weeks. You pick up little hints from people about them judging you, or how they perceive you. You can’t help but be influenced by that if you’re, kind of a normal person.

If you dress up dead like a bump because you don’t care, because you are confident, that might be okay for a day. But if you’re kind of always dressing that way, your subconscious is going to pick up that, “Hey, that person looked at me weird,” “Hey wait, I wasn’t fantasy story they ask me to live,” you know, “Oh, they were surprised that I could afford to pay my bill at the restaurant,” whatever it is, and that’s going to bring down your confidence subtly, bit by bit. You’re not going to necessarily notice it all in once, but it will happen.

Same with how you maintain your home, your apartment. Do you live somewhere where it makes you generally feel good about yourself, and whether that’s just because it’s clean, it’s nice, it has paintings on the wall that you like, or maybe it’s somewhere that you have your trophies up on the wall, or some list of accomplishments you got, or something like that? Whatever it is, does your home environment help your confidence? Does it reinforce your confidence, rather than detract from it?

Again, you can feel really great about yourself, but if every day you look around where you live, you feel like, “Oh, this is not okay.” That’s going to gradually, subtly, without you noticing, bring down your confidence. You don’t want this to happen.

What I would generally encourage people to do in order to trying to build that confidence, or maintain it, is to do some big things to build it, change some mindsets but at the same time, also change your environment so that it reinforces your confidence. You don’t have to dress crazy nice or go the opposite extreme to be insecure about your looks and overdo it, but dress presentably. Maintain yourself groomed. Once a week I groom, at least, and then I film videos and the rest of the week, I look… whatever.

But seriously, putting in some effort to feel good about yourself in terms of physical appearance and your environment actually ends up pain-off because you get all the subtle feedback, that girl or guy smiles at you, and that, hey, little boost of the ego right? The story treats you well because they think you’re someone successful. These little things, believe it or not, add up a lot and can have a really big impact on your confidence and just how you feel about yourself.

The third tip is actually going a little bit different than this. We’re looking at not caring about what people think. When I first wrote this chapter in my book about what did the chapter exactly is, make jokes just for yourself.

When I first wrote this, we hadn’t gone quite as extreme as we are today, about the society of validation. It seems like some people only live for likes on their Facebook and Instagram. That is so bad for your confidence and your self-esteem. When you do something to get validation from someone else, you basically tell your unconscious mind that you are not important unless other people say you’re important, and that is really bad.

The people who live for acclamations, acclamations, is that the word? I’m a writer, I can’t even think of it. But you know, the people who live to get props from other people, likes on Facebook, Instagram, all that, they are gradually wearing out their confidence and they are telling themselves that they are only important if other people say they are. That will destroy your self-esteem, and it is not a sustainable way to be.

Time to do the opposite of that. That is where this comes in of, tell out jokes just for you. You know, we all have that best friend or that partner, or someone who really, we have the same sense of humor. You’ve probably been in this situation where you think of a joke, and you know no one in your group will get the joke, you’re at work or somewhere, and you’re like, “These people won’t get it, but if only,” like in my case, “Only my brother Shawn is here. He would think this is so funny.”

Tell the joke anyhow. Do it just for you. Tell a joke that you know no one else will get or think it’s funny, and do it just for you and laugh. When you do this, you send the opposite message to your unconscious. You say, “I don’t care what other people think. I do things for myself. My confidence, my sense of humor, my self-worth comes from within, not from without.”

Now, if humor isn’t your thing, please get off my videos, I only like funny people, but you know, for the sake of this video, if humor is not your thing, then do other things just for yourself. Wear a really funny shirt or hat that, don’t do it in some stupid hipster way, where like, you read a blog that says it’s a funny hat, but if you really see something that you think is funny, that probably looks stupid, then wear it for yourself.

And again, by doing it for yourself and wearing something stupid, I have another chapter in the book, you probably wonder how dumb this book is, but I have another chapter called ‘Wear Funny Hats’ and it’s around the same concept of, when you do something just for yourself that you think is funny, not only this will build your own confidence because it tells your unconscious that you don’t care about validation, you only care about internal validation and doing what’s meaningful for you.

But weirdly, other people kind of give you props for it and make you seem really confident to the outside world because, “Wow, look at that guy or girl who had the balls to do that.” And then, they say, “Okay,” they treat you like you’re someone who is more confident, and it ends up creating this cycle where it began to build your confidence.

So, third tip is just that, do things for you. The key here is again, don’t go out and try to do it for other people, for you. Just, when you want to do something that you think will be stupid, like other people would judge you but you want to do it, you think that would be funny or entertaining, just do it. That’s the third tip here.

So those are the three tips here. Again, to recap, the first one was realizing that you’re always seeing other people at their best. Do not compare your insides to other people’s outsides.

The second tip is to make sure your environment backs up your reality here, so that how are you dressed, and where you live in that, where you spend your time as well, is going to reinforce the kind of confidence you want to have, so that it’s not pulling away from that by, you know, being opposite of how you want to feel essentially.

The third tip, again, is doing the things just for you to tell yourself that you don’t care about the outside world validating you, that your confidence comes from within.

Those are the three tips there. If you found this helpful, I would really encourage you to put them into practice. Try them out. Maybe write down on a note card, one at a time and spend a week just doing one. Don’t necessarily try to do all three right off the bet, but beware of that.

Put these into practice, try them out, let me know in the comments section if you found this helpful, if you’ve tried these out, as well as if you’ve enjoyed it, subscribe, see me in other videos. If you really enjoyed it and you’d like to read, then I’ll include links to my books on confidence as well and you might find those entertaining and helpful.

That’s it. Thanks again for watching. See you in the next video or my books or wherever else, we’ll become friends. Ciao!