3 Things to know if you are thinking of dating an ENFP

A relationship with an ENFP is…awesome? Frustrating as hell? Loads of fun? Yes, this is a multiple choice test. Us ENFPs are a complicated bunch which is probably not news to you if you’re already dating an ENFP.

So the point of this post is to share it with someone in your life, presumably that you’re dating or maybe thinking about dating, it could be a little hint for them, and to help them better understand you and perhaps be a better partner.

If you prefer reading, here is a video transcription bellow, made with Otter.ai

Tip #1 – ENFPs are dreamers. Don’t tell them to quit dreaming and get realistic.

Tip number one is that ENFPs love to dream, this probably doesn’t surprise you if you’re currently dating or in a long term relationship with an ENFP. We are Dreamers, and I imagine that if you’re dating an ENFP, at the phase where they are dreaming a lot, but not doing as much quite yet that it can be quite frustrating, where you’re like, “Okay, enough talk with all these dreams, either quit your job, or either start your business or go travel, do whatever, stop talking about it.” and I totally get that It could be quite frustrating.

You may also find it frustrating that they dream a lot but don’t necessarily put things into action, the way you might be someone who’s more of a planner, you would take action, you would have all the steps that they don’t do that, and you find it very frustrating, I can totally imagine that and that is of course, very understandable.

But one thing you need to understand is that for ENFP, our dreams and the possibilities we imagine, are actually our fuel. So I’m a DOER, I’ve published 11 books, I have a successful coaching practice, YouTube channel, podcast, I’ve lived in, I guess, seven, eight countries, a lot of countries at this point, all things that started as dreams and then I made happen, but there were definitely times in my life where I was just dreaming and those dreams serve as our fuel to get us fired up, and to be the source of motivation to then learn the practical skills.

So I’m not here advocating that ENFP should live in dream world at all, that is not how we should be and if you do have a partner who’s really struggling with that – send them this channel, I hope I can help them a bit. But that’s not how they should be long term.

If an ENFP is 45 and still just dreaming and not doing that’s not healthy, but know that our dreaming is the source of our fuel that makes us do as well. So don’t ever say this to an ENFP something like, “Hey, quit dreaming, get realistic, get your head out of the clouds, do something small, just figure out a little plan and do that first.” Don’t do that. It’s like chopping us off at the knees, we lose our energy and our motivation and the odds are, then nothing will really happen.

It might be totally different than how you operate, it might be very frustrating but just know that we do need those big dreams to power us forward. But know that as we develop typically in kind of our late 20s and 30s, we should develop a lot more practical skills to actually implement and do and take action, and not just be dreaming, it can even happen earlier than that.

So especially if you’re in your mid-early 20s, and you’re dating an ENFP, and you’re like “What is going on?” It does get better, don’t worry.

Tip #2 – ENFPs are likely to change their mind. A lot.

The next tip is to understand that our mind changes a lot and we don’t do so with mal intent. So if we say something, and a few days later, we change our mind, it’s not because we’re trying to manipulate you or deceive you. When you ask us why did we change our mind, and we don’t know, we’re not trying to be difficult, we just don’t necessarily know. I think this is especially hard for ENFP guys because, in most cultures, the feminine is about change and evolution and emotion.

It’s very acceptable for a woman one day to feel this way and the next to feel that way, where men are supposed to be more like concrete. Here’s my path. Here’s my direction, I am the non-changing, I am grounded and structured. So there’s probably a bit of that in our heads. We are feeling these changes and we’re not necessarily remembering why did we change our minds? Or why did that happen? Then we’re feeling judged by someone saying, “Why are you changing your mind like you’re like a girl or whatever it is.”

So that probably plays more of a role for us where not only do we not necessarily always understand why we’re changing our mind, but then we’re feeling judged by it and feeling like it’s not okay for us to be doing that as well. Now, this very naturally leads us to tip number three…

Tip #3 – ENFPs are great at discussing feelings and emotions, AS LONG AS THEY’RE SOMEONE ELSES

We are incredible at discussing feelings and emotions just as long as there’s someone else’s, not our own. That’s not our favourite thing. This could be confusing sometimes because you might think, “Hey, this person seems really insightful and evolved and they have all this knowledge of psychology, or feelings or emotions or these sorts of things. But then they’re kind of closed off about their own stuff…” and that can be true for us.

You should know that, again, this is not us trying to be difficult, or trying to play games, it’s just something that is not always the easiest for us, relative to our general interest in people and emotion. If an ENFP is always talking about feelings and emotions, and then they don’t want to talk about their feelings and emotions just know that It’s a normal thing, and you can help your partner work on it and get more comfortable with that.

So I promised I would add one more detail to tip number one about how we are dreamers and it is this – That in our dreams, we are always the star, we are the superhero. If you tear that down or don’t support it, you might as well end the relationship immediately. This is I think, true beyond just ENFP. For many types, we want to see ourselves as the hero on our own journey. If you tear down your partner’s dream on that and say, “Get realistic, what have you done in your life so far? What are your chances of ever doing that?” – I get it, maybe you’re in a stressful time, maybe your partner has been a bit of a bum and really needs to up their game, all that can be true. But what is also true is if you tear down that vision they have for themselves, then you basically killed your relationship, you might keep dating for years, you might stay married, but it’s dead, I really do believe that.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t help your partner, adjust their views and perhaps work with a coach, I have a program called ENFP Unleashed where I work with the ENFPs in the right environment. We can help your ENFP gain a more realistic set of goals and gradually make progress and create the life that they can actually achieve. But as their partner, if you tear them down and basically remind them of how little they’ve done or where they’re at, it just kills the relationship. I think in a relationship, you should always see your partner’s most potential and you should empower them to go after whatever those dreams are, and you should see them as their best so they can see themselves as their best. When you cut them off at the knees and tear that down, you’ve killed that and I think have killed the relationship. So in that terribly uplifting note, we’ll end here.

If you’re interested in that program I mentioned you can go to dreamsaroundtheworld.com/enfpunleashed and read more about it could be an amazing gift. That should be TIP #4 !

Tip number four (Bonus tip) If you’re dating an ENFP buy them ENFP Unleashed for their birthday, and you will have the best relationship ever. Really. I think it’s probably your wisest move. 🙂